Tuesday 6/30/2009 9:45pm

The air is full of dust. Not to mention, Kayole (where the orphanage is located) does not have one public trash can. So the dust is made up partially of rotten food, trash, feces (stray cats, dogs, chickens, etc.). From the air to my lungs. My throat has been scratchy for 3 days, because I can't cough the dust out. And my sinuses are clogged to the max, so my ears haven't popped since Saturday.

I learned why Jane said its so dangerous around here. The Mungiki. Wikipedia them. They are so gangster that when they call to threaten you, they tell you their full name, where they live, etc. Two of them were spying on the Americans across the way from me and called up their host family and asked for $1000. Have you wikipedia'd them yet? Have you read the part about the extortion? Obviously the host paid right away.

Now the orphanage I work at is much safer than the ones the other volunteers worked at. By Grace does not have any gang members, let alone any Mungeke to spy on me and extort my host family for money. The kids at the other orphanage will pick your pockets. Some even have guns and knives so they always get food.

I no longer notice the stink of By Grace. Can you guess why? Yes, it is because I now smell the same way. I came home, took a shower, smelled my dirty clothes once I was clean, and gagged.

Here's something fun: I nearly had a meltdown today. We walked 40 minutes through hot dust and garbage strewn fields to watch a speech about a new hospital opening. Now I'm thrilled that a new hospital will be built for Kayole. Thrilled. But the personal space thing is pretty much killing me. This trip was 40 minutes of children clambering to hold my hand on the way, an hour of them sitting partially on top of me, and another 40 minute torturous walk home. When I say these kids were walking next to me, I literally mean that their shoulders were touching my sides so that I had no room to move my arms.

I came very close to losing it. I told them I did not want to hold hands on the way home. I walked next to oncoming traffic, thorn bushes, curbs, and anything else I could find to keep kids from walking next to me. Nothing would stop them. I started elbowing kids out of the way when they came near me. A couple kids walking next to me asked "SJ, are you angry?" All I could do was whine "I'm hot and I'm tired."

I told one of the other volunteers that I was having a hard time with the crowding. She said, "I love sharing my personal space!" as she hugged and was hugged by 8 children, give or take. How will I survive with this crowding? Today I wanted to turn around, run to an internet station, and buy a plane ticket home for tomorrow.

These poor children have no parents, no care takers, no one to give them affection except the volunteers. And I just elbow them away from me. Well I guess I am still helping by teaching classes, even if I can not provide the affection that the other volunteers do. I am not a horrible person. I am not a horrible person. I am not a horrible person... sigh.